Life Update: February

Life doesn't stop moving.

This past month has f l o w n by so fast. Here are the February highlights:

I received a new position at work that I am very excited about. I am now the Property Manager of Greenbrier Ridge Apartments in Knoxville, TN. It is quite a leap from my previous position. The new complex has double the apartments, and I manage a number of staff members as well. Work was hard there for a while because as a company we underwent a lot of transition and change that doubled our workloads. Since then it has improved greatly and we are all getting a hang of it, plus I am enjoying my new position.

My best friend Allix got into PA school and wanted to do something big to celebrate. She will be moving to Nashville and in school for the next 27 months without much of a break. So... WE WENT ON A CRUISE. We actually did it! We booked the trip and 3 weeks later boarded the Liberty of the Seas for 5 nights (stopping in Belize & Cozumel). It was an amazing trip and worth every penny! How often do you get to leave 7 inches of snow and work behind for a week in the Caribbean?!

New Friends & a Couple Future Roommates

Back in Knoxville I spend time outside of work playing with my beautiful (needy) puppy, leading a college small group, and making new friends. Life right after college was hard and full of change, but now it finally seems like I've found a rhythm and a new normal. Making friends can be hard but I've been blessed with some great new ones and old.

The amazing girls in the CollegeLife Group that I help lead

February is often my least favorite month of the year. The weather is dreary, there's not much going on besides the world's worst holiday, and did I mention how much the weather sucks. God has blessed me more than I ever imagined with a wonderful month full of joy, new experiences, and life to the fullest.

Happy February... Bring it on March!

Unplugged

Social media can get a bad reputation.

It's not all bad though, there are good things about it too. It is way easier to keep in touch and update your loved ones on the important moments of your life.

On the other hand Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Vine, Snapchat, Pinterest, & Google+ [who even uses that?] can also be a huge distraction and temptation. It is a distraction from REAL LIFE. We are surrounded by real people and real conversations, and yet we stop to look at the latest tweets on our phones midsentence. It is a temptation to compare, to judge, to ridicule, to envy, to lust, to covet, to gossip, to brag, to idolize, and to ignore reality. We judge ridiculous status updates instead of having compassion, we idolize and covet everything on our Pinterest boards for our unrealistic dream homes, and we envy and compare ourselves to every girl on our Instagram feed who gets engaged.

I never thought I had many comparison issues, but lately I have not been as happy as I used to be. I have an incredible family, amazingly loyal friends, a roof over my head, a job [that I may not love everyday, but it pays my bills and allows me to use my gifts]. I am so blessed. Why should I be unhappy? Part of it is that I want, want, want. I want more stuff, I want more attention, and I want to look like everyone on my timeline and friend's list that has it all together [Public Service Announcement: No one has it all together].

I couldn't help but get a thrill whenever I had a post that got a high number of likes. I judged people based on what they put online, whether I knew them or not. I even checked my Instagram at stoplights and every time I used the bathroom. There was so much wrong with my attachment to social media.

Then 8 days ago I deleted Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram off my iPhone.

And the world went on spinning. In fact, it wasn't even as hard as I thought it would be. I would reach for my phone at times and then realize there was nothing on there to look at, which would free me up to embrace the moment that I was in. There are minor inconveniences, but overall I'm glad I did it. I didn't delete my accounts so I can post updates or stay in touch with friends from my iPad or computer. That way I still have the benefit of keeping in touch with friends and family easily, but I am not constantly attached to social media and the problems that it brings.

If you struggle with the same things as me I would encourage you to try the challenge. Give yourself a 40 day trial and just delete the apps. Keep track of how your attitude changes and what you are able to do with your time. Let me know how it goes!

I love New Year's Resolutions

New. Restart. Second chances. Fresh start.

Who doesn't love those things? I know I do. New Year is a chance to make a promise a keep it. That is what I hope to do.

I always make several resolutions, and I admit, I never keep them all, but I usually keep a few.

Here is the list for 2014:

 

1. Make a budget and stick to it.

I am using the Dave Ramsey cash envelope system. Check it out here.

 

2. Read 30 NEW books.

So far I've already read 4 so this shouldn't be too hard. I am going to keep up with each of them along with a small review in this post.

 

3. Run a 10k.

Last year my goal was to run a 5k and so I'm increasing it a bit.

 

4.Teach myself design software.

I have become increasingly interested in the design world. I hope to learn the basics of the Adobe Creative Suite by teaching myself through YouTube tutorials in my spare time. Do you have any favorite YouTube teachers?

 

5. Stop going to food for comfort.

I'm bad at this and I have been going through this devo series which speaks to the spiritual aspect of overeating.

 

6. Limit screentime.

Spend less time watching tv, surfing the internet, and on my phone.

 

7. Thank God for something everyday.

Gratitude builds joy.

 

8. Go on a date.

It's may be a weird New Year's resolution, but its something that I want to happen this year. #judgeorjoin

 

9. Learn to be content or be active in changing my circumstances.

Life is too short to stay unhappy.

What are your New Years resolutions?

Change.

Change is never easy.

I feel that many times I resist change and the unknown instead of embracing my new situation.

I do not want where I am in life now to be one of those times.

I love the Jim Elliot quote:

"Wherever you are, be all there."

It inspired my remodel of my blog and also my outlook on this year.

Where I am right now is exactly where God has me or I would not be here. Its time that I start to put down roots. This year I want to take time to explore exactly what that means.

Serving.

Loving.

Leading.

Learning.

Growing.

Those are all action verbs. And that is what I want to do this year, take action.

Please join me as I begin this journey and welcome change.

A life changing decision

I tend to be a bit long-winded on my blog posts so here's this…

The Short Version:

I recently decided to leave staff with Campus Crusade. I have discontinued raising support, and I will not be going to the University of South Carolina. At the moment I have a part time job but I am looking for a full time position.

So, there's that. If you're thinking is something like "wwwhat?", then please stick with me and I know you'll be able to at least see where I am coming from when I'm done.

The Long Version:

Meeting with everyone from close friends to people you don't even know to raise enough money to pay your salary and benefits for an undetermined amount of time is the hardest thing that I have ever done. It gave me an incredible appreciation for all those who do it that.

I believe that God uses raising financial support in so many ways besides just getting people to where He has called them. I can think of 3 specific ways that I've seen it used in my life and in the lives of those around me. I've seen it used to refine us so that we grow closer to God and learn to lean on Him more and trust Him to provide for all of our needs, to reward and show that He can provide anything far beyond what we may ask or imagine, and to redirect and open our hearts to other things that He has for us, among other reasons of course.

There were times that God used financial support in all 3 of those ways for me, but I believe that in the end He used it to redirect me. It's hard enough to raise that much support, but if something isn't right about it you are forced to stop and reevaluate what you are doing.

For me, I've had the sinking feeling within me that something is off for a while now.

I ignored it for a long time. I attributed it to graduating college, transitioning to life after college, a best friend passing away, moving back home with my parents and away from my Christian community, and every other major life change of the past 8 months besides joining staff and raising support.

But like I said, if something is wrong it makes it very hard to raise amounts of support like that.

So I stopped.

I took time off and I prayed. Hard. I asked God to reveal to me what His heart was and just tried to grow closer to Him. I spent time constantly in prayer alone as well as seeking advise from those Christians in my life that I look up to.

And what I was left with was hard to stomach in some ways. Some of the reasons Most of the reasons that I joined staff were selfish. Selfish reasons like not having to leave college so fast, getting to travel around the world for mission trips each summer, being able to make my own schedule and hang out with college students all day… all benefits to going on staff, yes, but its not enough to just go on that.

There were also other things God brought to light during this time, like my struggle with constantly being surrounded by only Christians (living in a Christian bubble) and how when I am surrounded by Christians I like to pretend like I have it all together instead of being real and admitting my faults, both things that I know I have to work through before God could fully use me in full time ministry. There were other things that were revealed to me during this time as well that all led me to the realization that staff may not be the place where I could best glorify God.

Ultimately a friend asked me an important question: 

"If you could get paid to be on staff and support raising wasn't involved, is it still what you're supposed to be doing?"

And I knew...

The answer was no.

But until I knew it wasn't because of support I would never have been confident in my decision. Because I believe no matter what support raising is hard for anyone, and I didn't want to be giving up because it was hard. In the end it was much more than that.

As I realized this and prayed about it, I felt an incredible peace about the decision. I had felt so nervous about the whole thing for the past two weeks that I constantly felt like I was going to throw up or suddenly break into tears at any moment… and then I was completely fine. It was like the weight of the world was lifted from my shoulders and somehow it was all going to be okay.

So I mustered up my courage and I told my support coach, I told my supporters (many of whom had already begun supporting me), and I formally left staff with Cru…. to step into a whole new world of unknowns.

Now I have no idea where I will be this time next year, or even next month. My entire future is uncertain… but it's okay. Because I know that God has given me confidence and reassurance about my decision and I trust that He will continue to guide me in my next steps.

I don't regret anything about the past 8 months. I believe that my training will be invaluable no matter where I end up. Throughout my time of support-raising I learned about my self, I learned about God's provision, and I learned the value of giving and what it means to others. I know that God brought me through this whole process for many reasons and I believe I will see those reasons again and again for years to come.

Right Now:

I am currently still living with my wonderful parents (who could not have been more supportive through this time and who I could not have made it through without) and I just got a part-time job at a locally owned restaurant in Johnson City (PTL!). I am very-actively looking for a full-time job (preferably one that I can really see myself in that uses my skills and my passions). I am not tied down to particular locations but part of me would love to be in Knoxville.

How You Can Help:

• PRAYER! Pray that I could continue to trust in the Lord and let Him lead me.
• If you don't understand where I'm coming from or if you think I'm crazy, I'd love to just talk to you more about it. It's hard for me to understand most of the time… and sometimes I still don't.
• Job connections!!! Do you have any? Do you know someone? Anything helps!

So there you are.

I told you I was long-winded.

Thanks for sticking with me if you did, and for allowing me to be real and admit where God has me right now.

I am so incredibly thankful for each of you!