Confessions of a Birthday Diva

For those who don't know me too well, I am a huge birthday diva. I love my birthday. Its my favorite day of the whole year.

That said, I have had 21 amazing birthdays. When I was younger I had many family parties at the park, swimming pools, and Chuck-e-Cheese. Then I had years of sleepovers with 10-20 giggling friends, cookouts, and camping trips. Recently I've had surprise parties and gotten to celebrate with 100,000 people in Neyland Stadium. Overall I've been incredibly blessed to have so many memorable birthdays.

If you've read my blog before then you know I'm currently living at home with my parents. They are great and I'm glad to spend this time with them, but I also don't have many friends in the Johnson City area so I knew this year my birthday was not going to be a big occasion. I was okay with that simply because, like I said, I've had many great birthdays in my life.

But not everyone is as lucky as me.

My mom is an elementary school principal and she cares a lot about her students, in and out of school. Living at home I've been able to talk to her a lot about her job and students at her school. She had talked to me about a family of little girls in her school who have had a rough home life. Just hearing her talk about these girls made me feel sad. It made me sad that I had been blessed with so much... and they with so little.

I started thinking about my birthday and what I wanted to do for it this year, and all I could think about was that those cute little girls had probably never been able to celebrate their birthday.

So I wanted to change that and celebrate them.

It wasn't much but today I took the 4 girls kids meals and cookies from Chick-fil-a and they got to have a special lunch with my mom and I outside. You could just see their faces light up when they came out of class. They had never even had Chick-fil-a, and before last year they'd never had a birthday party.

To me it was special to get to do this for them and make their day. It was just an hour of my time and only $36. And I thought it would be special to the girls too, but I didn't know how much. Before I left one of their teachers came and found me and said that one of the girls said to her: "This will be a day that I'll never forget". And just hearing that I know that I won't either.

From now on I think I'd like to do something special for someone else on my birthday every year, and maybe y'all will too. Here's some great inspiration from people that are way more impressive than me:

The Birthday Project

38 acts of Kindness

"I have a home… and a car… and a job. Do you need a few bucks for some coffee?"

Here's to 22 great years and blessings!

Love y'all

A life changing decision

I tend to be a bit long-winded on my blog posts so here's this…

The Short Version:

I recently decided to leave staff with Campus Crusade. I have discontinued raising support, and I will not be going to the University of South Carolina. At the moment I have a part time job but I am looking for a full time position.

So, there's that. If you're thinking is something like "wwwhat?", then please stick with me and I know you'll be able to at least see where I am coming from when I'm done.

The Long Version:

Meeting with everyone from close friends to people you don't even know to raise enough money to pay your salary and benefits for an undetermined amount of time is the hardest thing that I have ever done. It gave me an incredible appreciation for all those who do it that.

I believe that God uses raising financial support in so many ways besides just getting people to where He has called them. I can think of 3 specific ways that I've seen it used in my life and in the lives of those around me. I've seen it used to refine us so that we grow closer to God and learn to lean on Him more and trust Him to provide for all of our needs, to reward and show that He can provide anything far beyond what we may ask or imagine, and to redirect and open our hearts to other things that He has for us, among other reasons of course.

There were times that God used financial support in all 3 of those ways for me, but I believe that in the end He used it to redirect me. It's hard enough to raise that much support, but if something isn't right about it you are forced to stop and reevaluate what you are doing.

For me, I've had the sinking feeling within me that something is off for a while now.

I ignored it for a long time. I attributed it to graduating college, transitioning to life after college, a best friend passing away, moving back home with my parents and away from my Christian community, and every other major life change of the past 8 months besides joining staff and raising support.

But like I said, if something is wrong it makes it very hard to raise amounts of support like that.

So I stopped.

I took time off and I prayed. Hard. I asked God to reveal to me what His heart was and just tried to grow closer to Him. I spent time constantly in prayer alone as well as seeking advise from those Christians in my life that I look up to.

And what I was left with was hard to stomach in some ways. Some of the reasons Most of the reasons that I joined staff were selfish. Selfish reasons like not having to leave college so fast, getting to travel around the world for mission trips each summer, being able to make my own schedule and hang out with college students all day… all benefits to going on staff, yes, but its not enough to just go on that.

There were also other things God brought to light during this time, like my struggle with constantly being surrounded by only Christians (living in a Christian bubble) and how when I am surrounded by Christians I like to pretend like I have it all together instead of being real and admitting my faults, both things that I know I have to work through before God could fully use me in full time ministry. There were other things that were revealed to me during this time as well that all led me to the realization that staff may not be the place where I could best glorify God.

Ultimately a friend asked me an important question: 

"If you could get paid to be on staff and support raising wasn't involved, is it still what you're supposed to be doing?"

And I knew...

The answer was no.

But until I knew it wasn't because of support I would never have been confident in my decision. Because I believe no matter what support raising is hard for anyone, and I didn't want to be giving up because it was hard. In the end it was much more than that.

As I realized this and prayed about it, I felt an incredible peace about the decision. I had felt so nervous about the whole thing for the past two weeks that I constantly felt like I was going to throw up or suddenly break into tears at any moment… and then I was completely fine. It was like the weight of the world was lifted from my shoulders and somehow it was all going to be okay.

So I mustered up my courage and I told my support coach, I told my supporters (many of whom had already begun supporting me), and I formally left staff with Cru…. to step into a whole new world of unknowns.

Now I have no idea where I will be this time next year, or even next month. My entire future is uncertain… but it's okay. Because I know that God has given me confidence and reassurance about my decision and I trust that He will continue to guide me in my next steps.

I don't regret anything about the past 8 months. I believe that my training will be invaluable no matter where I end up. Throughout my time of support-raising I learned about my self, I learned about God's provision, and I learned the value of giving and what it means to others. I know that God brought me through this whole process for many reasons and I believe I will see those reasons again and again for years to come.

Right Now:

I am currently still living with my wonderful parents (who could not have been more supportive through this time and who I could not have made it through without) and I just got a part-time job at a locally owned restaurant in Johnson City (PTL!). I am very-actively looking for a full-time job (preferably one that I can really see myself in that uses my skills and my passions). I am not tied down to particular locations but part of me would love to be in Knoxville.

How You Can Help:

• PRAYER! Pray that I could continue to trust in the Lord and let Him lead me.
• If you don't understand where I'm coming from or if you think I'm crazy, I'd love to just talk to you more about it. It's hard for me to understand most of the time… and sometimes I still don't.
• Job connections!!! Do you have any? Do you know someone? Anything helps!

So there you are.

I told you I was long-winded.

Thanks for sticking with me if you did, and for allowing me to be real and admit where God has me right now.

I am so incredibly thankful for each of you!

This broken place we all call home

We live in a broken world.

It is impossible not to see that in a time like right now.

We live in a time where people now live in fear while going to the movie theater. When poverty and unemployment are still soaring. When presidential candidates spend millions of dollars for ads trashing their opponent. When people are caught up in gun control debates and boycotting places that don't share their beliefs that are getting them no where.

Part of me wanted to write a post that may attempt to state my opinion on these matters. Or to maybe persuade someone to see my point of view. But lets be real, that probably wouldn't accomplish anything and I'm not a expert on anything so why read my opinion.

So instead I'll tell you how I try to find peace in this broken world.

I hold on to hope.

Hope in an eternal future beyond this world. Call my belief in that close minded if you want, but in a world this miserable I want to be able to believe in something better and I do.

It's no secret that I am a Christian and it defines me, and I believe that it is truth and it is freedom from this brokenness. I believe in Jesus Christ so much that I would never not want to share him and the truth and freedom that I've found through Him. That being said, I will (and do) share my beliefs with others and listen to them if they want to share theirs as well. As a Christian, I am called to share the good news that I believe so whole-heartily.

But whether or not they share my beliefs, as a Christian, I am also called to love them. I am called to love, to serve, to give, to listen, and to help others. And I intend to.

Please respect me for that.

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."
-The recorded words of Jesus from John 16:33

Scott Gianopoulos

I think one of my biggest blessings in life will be that I had the privilege of calling Scott Gianopoulos my friend. Many people had that privilege as well, because that’s who Scott was, a friend. I first met Scott my freshman year at fall retreat where we sat around the bonfire and annoyed everyone by singing Disney songs for hours, and I wish I could say our friendship began there, but with him being in and out of school we didn’t reconnect till two years ago. He came to the mothership and we found and captured a spider on my porch that was the size of my hand. Scott and I decided to microwave it to see what would happen, and that was the beginning of a friendship that I will never forget.

Having Scott as a friend meant so many things: It meant life became a never ending party, full of spontaneity, because it was never too late and nothing was ever too crazy for him. He was hilarious, and full of life at all times. I’ll never forget all the silly songs he made up and all of his sayings like the ever popular “school is for fools”.

Scott was magnetic. People were drawn to him, and before I don’t know if I knew what it was that drew them in but it just was. Maybe you haven’t realized it yet but UT is a different place when Scott was here. He was the most inclusive guy I’ve ever known. He noticed when someone new came to the mansion and he would get to know them. One time I remember talking to scott and describing someone as one of those people that was just “hard to love” and I remember scott looked at me and said “What do you mean?”. And it finally clicked, that was a foreign concept for him, Scott loved everyone and he loved them well. How many people can really love everyone?

Scott always cared. Whenever he asked me how my day was going he actually listened. And whenever he facebook chatted me for the 7th time that day he still wanted to know. And whenever I was having a bad day for me with the most mundane problems he would listen with sympathy even though it could never touch what he was going through. Scott noticed when you were gone or hadn’t been around for a while. If I hadn’t seen him in 3 or 4 days I could expect a text saying “Aunt Mandy. I miss you. Lets hang out soon!”

Scott was selfless. He didn’t need or want attention on himself, ever. If someone was going through a tough time he would elevate them and make them feel loved. He was a servant and would have done anything for me.

As a friend, Scott cared enough to say the hard stuff. He was there to listen to me, but he was also there to point me to Christ. He would tell me when I was being selfish or not surrendering something, even though I didn’t want to hear it. He shared his heart with me and helped me become a better person.

Its no secret that Scott was passionate! Passionate for everything: the VOLS, the Packers, the White Sox, David Crowder, Disney movies, Taylor Swift, johnnies, krispie kreme doughnuts, and Jesus. And his passion was contagious to everyone around him. I will never think about any of those things the same. I will never halfheartedly sing Rocky Top again and the cubs will always suck to me now. But the thing I loved most was scott’s passion for Jesus. He loved Jesus.

Being his friend for the past two years I saw Scott go through some things that most people couldn’t dream of. The thrills of getting back clear scans, and the horror of hearing the doctors say that there was nothing more that they could do. But NO MATTER WHAT through everything Scott was faithful. And he was always positive. No matter what the outlook was, on a football game, on a situation, or even on the number of days left in his life he remained positive. He didn’t worry or get depressed. He remained faithful. Scott always went to Romans 8:28 “God works all things together for the GOOD of those who love him”. He trusted that no matter what happened, no matter what the doctors said, that it was GOOD. Seeing Scott continually trust God as he went through the hardest things that I can imagine and the pain he suffered, taught me what it really meant to “trust God in ALL circumstances”. He taught me that suffering was glorifying to God. He used his sufferings for God’s glory no matter what.

Above all Scott inspired me. To be a better person, to love well, to complain less, to tell more people about Jesus, to befriend the lonely, and to enjoy life. Scott pointed me to Christ all the time. Scott loved life, no matter what was going on. He lived each day to be a light for Christ. I remember one time last semester me, Scott, Allix, and JR stayed up till like 3 in the morning talking about life. What we’d done, our favorite memories, what we feared, what we still wanted to do in life, our hopes, and our dreams for the future. At first it was hard for me to look back on that night because it was stuff that Scott isn’t going to get to do but I realized that everything Scott had wanted to do in his life revolved around bringing people to Christ and bringing God glory. And Scott did it. Scott may have left us but his testimony lives on and it will continue to point people to Christ forever.

Scott fought, and it may look like he lost, but that’s not true. Scott won because he lived his life for Christ and he lived his life to the fullest. I’m going to miss Scott’s friendship, probably every day, but I rest in the fact that now he is with our savior, pain free, in a new body, in heaven. And I hope to live the rest of my life for the same impact that Scott had in 23 years of his. I will never forget Scott Gianopoulos and all that he taught me about how to live.

 I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.
1 Timothy 4:7

I thought I decided I wasn't going to grad school...

Seminary Classes.


Well I've only been in my seminary classes for 2 days but I can already say... I love it! I know we're only taking these classes for 2 weeks but they are real classes for real graduate credit at schools like Bethal, Dallas Theological Seminary, Trinity, Reformed Theological Seminary, and other amazing schools. Granted, we only receive 2 one hour credits for intro courses, but still, not bad for only 2 weeks.


The schedule is INTENSE. We have our Intro to Systematic Theology class at 8:00am every day and it's two hours, then we have a short break before Bible Study Methods, which is from 10:30-12:30. I really enjoy both of the classes so far and I will write more blog entries in the future over some of the specific things I'm learning.


After class everyday I grab a lunch and then begin on the reading and homework. Yesterday we had to read about 100 pages and another long article, plus read and summarize the whole book of Ephesians section by section, and complete a study guide to review all we had read and learned throughout the lecture that day. Its work that I do enjoy so I don't want to rush through it, but it took me about 7 hours to complete which is harder than I ever have had to work for school.


Today we had around 70-80 pages, and more work on Ephesians that required me reading the whole book about 5 times, and another study guide. I'm still not done with today's work but I did take a break to go for a run on the beach which was nice and refreshing. I'd say I'm looking at about 6 hours of work today.


I really enjoy the theology class. Its at 8:00am and I'm tired but I am completely drawn in. Today our topic was on the inerrancy, inspiration, and accuracy of the Bible. We discussed how views on that have changed throughout the years and why the alternate opinions came into view. Our professor does have an opinion on many things, but the first day in class we learned about what to hold as convictions and what to hold as persuasions or opinions.


Convictions: central beliefs, crucial to salvation, over which we should be willing to denounce someone in serious disagreement, found multiple times in the Bible
Persuasions: beliefs about which we are personally certain but which are not crucial to salvation, we must accept those with differing persuasions as members in good standing of God's family, even if we are certain they are wrong, based on subjects included in the Bible (ex: tongues, millennial views, age of the earth)
Opinions: beliefs on subjects where we have a preference but acknowledge others may also be right or we do not have any confidence in (ex: best bible translation or political views)
[Taken from Enjoying God by Alan Kent Scholes--a book I highly recommend]


So while our professor does share his opinions, persuasions, and convictions, he also stresses how we should form all of that on our own research and not the beliefs of others. My convictions are very steadfast, but I have come to really how much I need to research those things I call persuasions for myself. It is all just making me want to dive into scripture and research, and I find it all so fascinating!


That's all I'll write for now because I doubt you're still reading (I mean who puts definitions with a citation in a blog?! I do cause I'm crazy). I'll leave you with this...


Prayer Requests:

• That I would continue to encounter Christ in every class, reading, and homework assignment and grow to love him more as I learn more about him
• That our group would remain healthy
• That I can build close relationships with the women here to have a support system during MPD time

Love y'all and I truly miss everyone SO much!

New Staff Training

I've been here in Daytona Beach, FL for New Staff Training for less than a week and there's already so much to say. It is very overwhelming right now to say the least. 


The first most overwhelming thing is the schedule itself. Its 5 weeks long. The first week has been full of cru curriculum kind of things. The mission, vision, history, where we're going as a movement, target areas, priority areas, strategy, and all sorts of things like that. Starting on Sunday and continuing for the next 2 weeks we have IBS (Institute of Biblical Studies) classes or seminary classes. On the first day here we received a huge stack of books and about 300+ pages of notes we'll need for the two weeks. Then we'll have finals (yes! I said finals, I thought I was done with school). The last week and a half is full of training on how to develop Ministry Partners or supporters.


The other really thing thats hard is the timing of my transition. I just graduated less than a month ago, which was me graduating early. No one else here has done that I believe. Of the 70-ish people here about half are married and a little over half have already served for 1-2 years on a US campus or on STINT overseas. With all of that its easy to walk into this with feelings of inadequacy or insecurity about my age and experience. Those feelings are starting to fade and I am very grateful for that. I know that God has given me every tool I need for this and it is EXACTLY where I am supposed to be.


The amount of people here is general is a lot to take in. I love getting to know and meeting new people, but generally in smaller groups, and most of the things we do are in such large groups that its hard for me. We have these groups called "lifegroups" were we can talk about everything, from our past to how we're doing with everything here, and I really enjoyed my time with mine!


Overall, I'm excited! I know it may not seem that way because I just talked about everything I'm struggling with BUT I feel so reaffirmed that I am truly supposed to be here! I will write more later but I wanted to update y'all!


In Christ,
Amanda

"Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity."
1 Timothy 4:12

2011 in Summary.

On December 31, 2010 I prayed that God would direct my steps this year and that he would show me how I can best live in his will. I prayed that I would be able to enjoy this year fully and that my relationships grew even deeper.

All of those prayers were answered and more.

January.

Passion.

"Yes, Lord, walking in the way of your truths, we wait for you; your name and renown are the desires of our hearts." Isaiah 26:8

Black & White Affair

February.

Preview Weekend.

Women's Retreat

March.

Chicago Road Trip.

Spring Break. Daytona Beach, FL.

Winning free Chick-fil-a for a year.

April.

Senior Night/Royal Wedding Party.

May.

Hiking.

 

Dollywood.

 Lauren Graduating High School.

June.

Taylor Swift.

Summer Project in Fort Collins, CO

My grandparents 50th Wedding Anniversary.

July.

The end of Harry Potter.

Went home after spending 7 weeks with these wonderful people.

Saying Goodbye to Lindsey Hendrix, my amazing friend, mentor, and discipler during my time in college.

August.

Starting college with my little sister!

New Roommates.

September.

Turning 21.

Last Fall Retreat. [And the two best emcee's ever]

Roadtripping to the Florida game with about 30 of my best friends.

October.

Backpacking.

Halloween.

November.

Last football game.

December.

Christmas parties.

Graduating College.

Got a new car.

Last encounter.

I was truly blessed beyond measure this year, and though many things came to an end, that just means there are so many new beginnings to be excited about.