Life Update: February

Life doesn't stop moving.

This past month has f l o w n by so fast. Here are the February highlights:

I received a new position at work that I am very excited about. I am now the Property Manager of Greenbrier Ridge Apartments in Knoxville, TN. It is quite a leap from my previous position. The new complex has double the apartments, and I manage a number of staff members as well. Work was hard there for a while because as a company we underwent a lot of transition and change that doubled our workloads. Since then it has improved greatly and we are all getting a hang of it, plus I am enjoying my new position.

My best friend Allix got into PA school and wanted to do something big to celebrate. She will be moving to Nashville and in school for the next 27 months without much of a break. So... WE WENT ON A CRUISE. We actually did it! We booked the trip and 3 weeks later boarded the Liberty of the Seas for 5 nights (stopping in Belize & Cozumel). It was an amazing trip and worth every penny! How often do you get to leave 7 inches of snow and work behind for a week in the Caribbean?!

New Friends & a Couple Future Roommates

Back in Knoxville I spend time outside of work playing with my beautiful (needy) puppy, leading a college small group, and making new friends. Life right after college was hard and full of change, but now it finally seems like I've found a rhythm and a new normal. Making friends can be hard but I've been blessed with some great new ones and old.

The amazing girls in the CollegeLife Group that I help lead

February is often my least favorite month of the year. The weather is dreary, there's not much going on besides the world's worst holiday, and did I mention how much the weather sucks. God has blessed me more than I ever imagined with a wonderful month full of joy, new experiences, and life to the fullest.

Happy February... Bring it on March!

Finding Purpose in the Wait

[First off, sorry for the long delay between posts. This year I hope to be more diligent with posting and build a bigger audience. If you linked here from Pinterest and are interested in art, there will be a post coming up about that soon.]

Does anyone really like to wait?

I personally can't stand it. Waiting for a phone call you're expecting seems like it takes hours, waiting to hear big results from a test is excruciating, even waiting in line at the grocery store too long can ruin our mood.

My two biggest "waits" right now that are constantly coming to mind are the long wait for a husband and the wait for my future (as far as my future career path). I do not think that I am alone in either of those.

Yesterday my community group discussed "doubt". For me doubt is closely related to waiting. When I have to wait to. long I start to doubt that I am doing the right thing. Then this morning I read this article on Relevant.com.

Go read it and then come back.

I loved just about everything in there. It was such a great reminder to me that waiting has purpose and I should use it. I love how the author pointed out all of the stories of waiting in the Bible that I've known my whole life, but somehow I still expected that I shouldn't have to wait?

Next time you find yourself waiting remember that God has a purpose in it and look for that. It is an invitation to seek God.

Sovereignty in suffering.

Waiting is expected in the Christian life.

God breaks us to bless us.

Christ is better.

A life changing decision

I tend to be a bit long-winded on my blog posts so here's this…

The Short Version:

I recently decided to leave staff with Campus Crusade. I have discontinued raising support, and I will not be going to the University of South Carolina. At the moment I have a part time job but I am looking for a full time position.

So, there's that. If you're thinking is something like "wwwhat?", then please stick with me and I know you'll be able to at least see where I am coming from when I'm done.

The Long Version:

Meeting with everyone from close friends to people you don't even know to raise enough money to pay your salary and benefits for an undetermined amount of time is the hardest thing that I have ever done. It gave me an incredible appreciation for all those who do it that.

I believe that God uses raising financial support in so many ways besides just getting people to where He has called them. I can think of 3 specific ways that I've seen it used in my life and in the lives of those around me. I've seen it used to refine us so that we grow closer to God and learn to lean on Him more and trust Him to provide for all of our needs, to reward and show that He can provide anything far beyond what we may ask or imagine, and to redirect and open our hearts to other things that He has for us, among other reasons of course.

There were times that God used financial support in all 3 of those ways for me, but I believe that in the end He used it to redirect me. It's hard enough to raise that much support, but if something isn't right about it you are forced to stop and reevaluate what you are doing.

For me, I've had the sinking feeling within me that something is off for a while now.

I ignored it for a long time. I attributed it to graduating college, transitioning to life after college, a best friend passing away, moving back home with my parents and away from my Christian community, and every other major life change of the past 8 months besides joining staff and raising support.

But like I said, if something is wrong it makes it very hard to raise amounts of support like that.

So I stopped.

I took time off and I prayed. Hard. I asked God to reveal to me what His heart was and just tried to grow closer to Him. I spent time constantly in prayer alone as well as seeking advise from those Christians in my life that I look up to.

And what I was left with was hard to stomach in some ways. Some of the reasons Most of the reasons that I joined staff were selfish. Selfish reasons like not having to leave college so fast, getting to travel around the world for mission trips each summer, being able to make my own schedule and hang out with college students all day… all benefits to going on staff, yes, but its not enough to just go on that.

There were also other things God brought to light during this time, like my struggle with constantly being surrounded by only Christians (living in a Christian bubble) and how when I am surrounded by Christians I like to pretend like I have it all together instead of being real and admitting my faults, both things that I know I have to work through before God could fully use me in full time ministry. There were other things that were revealed to me during this time as well that all led me to the realization that staff may not be the place where I could best glorify God.

Ultimately a friend asked me an important question: 

"If you could get paid to be on staff and support raising wasn't involved, is it still what you're supposed to be doing?"

And I knew...

The answer was no.

But until I knew it wasn't because of support I would never have been confident in my decision. Because I believe no matter what support raising is hard for anyone, and I didn't want to be giving up because it was hard. In the end it was much more than that.

As I realized this and prayed about it, I felt an incredible peace about the decision. I had felt so nervous about the whole thing for the past two weeks that I constantly felt like I was going to throw up or suddenly break into tears at any moment… and then I was completely fine. It was like the weight of the world was lifted from my shoulders and somehow it was all going to be okay.

So I mustered up my courage and I told my support coach, I told my supporters (many of whom had already begun supporting me), and I formally left staff with Cru…. to step into a whole new world of unknowns.

Now I have no idea where I will be this time next year, or even next month. My entire future is uncertain… but it's okay. Because I know that God has given me confidence and reassurance about my decision and I trust that He will continue to guide me in my next steps.

I don't regret anything about the past 8 months. I believe that my training will be invaluable no matter where I end up. Throughout my time of support-raising I learned about my self, I learned about God's provision, and I learned the value of giving and what it means to others. I know that God brought me through this whole process for many reasons and I believe I will see those reasons again and again for years to come.

Right Now:

I am currently still living with my wonderful parents (who could not have been more supportive through this time and who I could not have made it through without) and I just got a part-time job at a locally owned restaurant in Johnson City (PTL!). I am very-actively looking for a full-time job (preferably one that I can really see myself in that uses my skills and my passions). I am not tied down to particular locations but part of me would love to be in Knoxville.

How You Can Help:

• PRAYER! Pray that I could continue to trust in the Lord and let Him lead me.
• If you don't understand where I'm coming from or if you think I'm crazy, I'd love to just talk to you more about it. It's hard for me to understand most of the time… and sometimes I still don't.
• Job connections!!! Do you have any? Do you know someone? Anything helps!

So there you are.

I told you I was long-winded.

Thanks for sticking with me if you did, and for allowing me to be real and admit where God has me right now.

I am so incredibly thankful for each of you!

This broken place we all call home

We live in a broken world.

It is impossible not to see that in a time like right now.

We live in a time where people now live in fear while going to the movie theater. When poverty and unemployment are still soaring. When presidential candidates spend millions of dollars for ads trashing their opponent. When people are caught up in gun control debates and boycotting places that don't share their beliefs that are getting them no where.

Part of me wanted to write a post that may attempt to state my opinion on these matters. Or to maybe persuade someone to see my point of view. But lets be real, that probably wouldn't accomplish anything and I'm not a expert on anything so why read my opinion.

So instead I'll tell you how I try to find peace in this broken world.

I hold on to hope.

Hope in an eternal future beyond this world. Call my belief in that close minded if you want, but in a world this miserable I want to be able to believe in something better and I do.

It's no secret that I am a Christian and it defines me, and I believe that it is truth and it is freedom from this brokenness. I believe in Jesus Christ so much that I would never not want to share him and the truth and freedom that I've found through Him. That being said, I will (and do) share my beliefs with others and listen to them if they want to share theirs as well. As a Christian, I am called to share the good news that I believe so whole-heartily.

But whether or not they share my beliefs, as a Christian, I am also called to love them. I am called to love, to serve, to give, to listen, and to help others. And I intend to.

Please respect me for that.

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."
-The recorded words of Jesus from John 16:33

Scott Gianopoulos

I think one of my biggest blessings in life will be that I had the privilege of calling Scott Gianopoulos my friend. Many people had that privilege as well, because that’s who Scott was, a friend. I first met Scott my freshman year at fall retreat where we sat around the bonfire and annoyed everyone by singing Disney songs for hours, and I wish I could say our friendship began there, but with him being in and out of school we didn’t reconnect till two years ago. He came to the mothership and we found and captured a spider on my porch that was the size of my hand. Scott and I decided to microwave it to see what would happen, and that was the beginning of a friendship that I will never forget.

Having Scott as a friend meant so many things: It meant life became a never ending party, full of spontaneity, because it was never too late and nothing was ever too crazy for him. He was hilarious, and full of life at all times. I’ll never forget all the silly songs he made up and all of his sayings like the ever popular “school is for fools”.

Scott was magnetic. People were drawn to him, and before I don’t know if I knew what it was that drew them in but it just was. Maybe you haven’t realized it yet but UT is a different place when Scott was here. He was the most inclusive guy I’ve ever known. He noticed when someone new came to the mansion and he would get to know them. One time I remember talking to scott and describing someone as one of those people that was just “hard to love” and I remember scott looked at me and said “What do you mean?”. And it finally clicked, that was a foreign concept for him, Scott loved everyone and he loved them well. How many people can really love everyone?

Scott always cared. Whenever he asked me how my day was going he actually listened. And whenever he facebook chatted me for the 7th time that day he still wanted to know. And whenever I was having a bad day for me with the most mundane problems he would listen with sympathy even though it could never touch what he was going through. Scott noticed when you were gone or hadn’t been around for a while. If I hadn’t seen him in 3 or 4 days I could expect a text saying “Aunt Mandy. I miss you. Lets hang out soon!”

Scott was selfless. He didn’t need or want attention on himself, ever. If someone was going through a tough time he would elevate them and make them feel loved. He was a servant and would have done anything for me.

As a friend, Scott cared enough to say the hard stuff. He was there to listen to me, but he was also there to point me to Christ. He would tell me when I was being selfish or not surrendering something, even though I didn’t want to hear it. He shared his heart with me and helped me become a better person.

Its no secret that Scott was passionate! Passionate for everything: the VOLS, the Packers, the White Sox, David Crowder, Disney movies, Taylor Swift, johnnies, krispie kreme doughnuts, and Jesus. And his passion was contagious to everyone around him. I will never think about any of those things the same. I will never halfheartedly sing Rocky Top again and the cubs will always suck to me now. But the thing I loved most was scott’s passion for Jesus. He loved Jesus.

Being his friend for the past two years I saw Scott go through some things that most people couldn’t dream of. The thrills of getting back clear scans, and the horror of hearing the doctors say that there was nothing more that they could do. But NO MATTER WHAT through everything Scott was faithful. And he was always positive. No matter what the outlook was, on a football game, on a situation, or even on the number of days left in his life he remained positive. He didn’t worry or get depressed. He remained faithful. Scott always went to Romans 8:28 “God works all things together for the GOOD of those who love him”. He trusted that no matter what happened, no matter what the doctors said, that it was GOOD. Seeing Scott continually trust God as he went through the hardest things that I can imagine and the pain he suffered, taught me what it really meant to “trust God in ALL circumstances”. He taught me that suffering was glorifying to God. He used his sufferings for God’s glory no matter what.

Above all Scott inspired me. To be a better person, to love well, to complain less, to tell more people about Jesus, to befriend the lonely, and to enjoy life. Scott pointed me to Christ all the time. Scott loved life, no matter what was going on. He lived each day to be a light for Christ. I remember one time last semester me, Scott, Allix, and JR stayed up till like 3 in the morning talking about life. What we’d done, our favorite memories, what we feared, what we still wanted to do in life, our hopes, and our dreams for the future. At first it was hard for me to look back on that night because it was stuff that Scott isn’t going to get to do but I realized that everything Scott had wanted to do in his life revolved around bringing people to Christ and bringing God glory. And Scott did it. Scott may have left us but his testimony lives on and it will continue to point people to Christ forever.

Scott fought, and it may look like he lost, but that’s not true. Scott won because he lived his life for Christ and he lived his life to the fullest. I’m going to miss Scott’s friendship, probably every day, but I rest in the fact that now he is with our savior, pain free, in a new body, in heaven. And I hope to live the rest of my life for the same impact that Scott had in 23 years of his. I will never forget Scott Gianopoulos and all that he taught me about how to live.

 I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.
1 Timothy 4:7

New Staff Training

I've been here in Daytona Beach, FL for New Staff Training for less than a week and there's already so much to say. It is very overwhelming right now to say the least. 


The first most overwhelming thing is the schedule itself. Its 5 weeks long. The first week has been full of cru curriculum kind of things. The mission, vision, history, where we're going as a movement, target areas, priority areas, strategy, and all sorts of things like that. Starting on Sunday and continuing for the next 2 weeks we have IBS (Institute of Biblical Studies) classes or seminary classes. On the first day here we received a huge stack of books and about 300+ pages of notes we'll need for the two weeks. Then we'll have finals (yes! I said finals, I thought I was done with school). The last week and a half is full of training on how to develop Ministry Partners or supporters.


The other really thing thats hard is the timing of my transition. I just graduated less than a month ago, which was me graduating early. No one else here has done that I believe. Of the 70-ish people here about half are married and a little over half have already served for 1-2 years on a US campus or on STINT overseas. With all of that its easy to walk into this with feelings of inadequacy or insecurity about my age and experience. Those feelings are starting to fade and I am very grateful for that. I know that God has given me every tool I need for this and it is EXACTLY where I am supposed to be.


The amount of people here is general is a lot to take in. I love getting to know and meeting new people, but generally in smaller groups, and most of the things we do are in such large groups that its hard for me. We have these groups called "lifegroups" were we can talk about everything, from our past to how we're doing with everything here, and I really enjoyed my time with mine!


Overall, I'm excited! I know it may not seem that way because I just talked about everything I'm struggling with BUT I feel so reaffirmed that I am truly supposed to be here! I will write more later but I wanted to update y'all!


In Christ,
Amanda

"Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity."
1 Timothy 4:12

more than we can ask or imagine...

As another year comes to a close, my junior year in college to be exact, I like to reflect on how God has blessed me in the past year. This year I was lucky enough that I don't even think I could count all the blessings I've received, and if I tried to put them all in a blogpost no one would ever read it because it would be so long. Instead I'd like to share with you all the "biggest" blessing, or at least the one that always comes to mind first, and that is the house.

Back in February/March of 2010 when trying to decide housing for next year we decided to look for a house to live in instead of an apartment. What we found was an 8 bedroom, 8 bathroom house that was pretty rough around the edges. It was dirty and gross at the time but we decided we wanted it anyway. We started trying to find 8 girls to fill it with us, which was nearly impossible, but at last we had 8. I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous about living with SEVEN other girls, who wouldn't be? And to top that, I barely knew more than the names of three of the girls.

It's safe to say that we moved in as strangers, literally, some girls met others for the first time the day they moved in. We quickly started getting to know each other and there were always other people over first semester. The house became a huge blessing for Cru at UT too because no matter what there was always room for more, unlike in an apartment we could have a movie night and no one had to be excluded. I remember the first party of the year the boys (and some girls) made a 5 story pyramid in the living room. We also held the Cru Halloween party there which had over 80 people and there was still room.

This displays how large our living room is

The Rave-o-ween

The real blessing wasnt the extra space or everyone having their own bedroom and bathroom or anything like that, the real blessing was the people. I knew it was going to be another hard semester for me because all of my closest friends were in dating relationships. When you're surrounded with that its hard to stay content and patient, but God gave me something I didn't even know I needed, single friends. I'd barely knew Allix and Beka before we moved in, but they quickly grew to become two of my best friends in that time and I am so thankful.

Beka and Allix

The second semester started and we hardly ever had people over at first, probably because all 8 of us had become such good friends that if I came home and any of my roommates were home I was perfectly happy with hanging out with them. All 8 girls that lived there did for a reason and it wouldn't have been the same without them. I'd lived with Amy, Misha, and Brittany before and I loved getting to live with them again. Amber was the house masseuse and counselor, you could just go lay on her bed and she'd give you a massage and some wise advice too. Victoria, Vix, Vixie, Vixen, etc. always served as the comedic relief, and there was never a dull moment when she was around. Beka became one of my closest friends and she was our beautician always willing to do anyone's hair or nails. And of course, Allix... She became my partner in crime, whether it was bumming rides off everyone or terrorizing Vix by "saying Jan in a midwestern accent" millions of times. The ninth roommate was a male (not casey or scott, sorry) but Dooley, our little poopface dog. Though he peed on my carpet, my bed, and myself he was always so fun to have around. Last but not least, #hashtag, yes that's our betafish's name. I wouldn't have traded any of them.

If only #hashtag made it in this one

The perfect group

Half the house has moved out now and its not what it was a month ago, but I think that anytime I look back on this year or college as a whole I will remember how blessed I was to live there and all the good memories we had together. Like I said we moved in as strangers, but now that we're all moving out those girls are like my sisters. I didn't even know that was something I needed, but God did and he blessed me with them. Next year is going to have a hard time topping this one.

Decisions, Decisions...

In everyday life i am not the type to be indecisive, as many of you all know. I am actually demanding about what I want (not one of my best qualities, and my friends love to call me Damanda for it). However, when it comes to big decisions, and I mean the big ones that effect your life, I am super indecisive.

Which is why the fact that I finally decided what I am doing this summer is a big enough deal to blog about it.

I've decided to go on a Operations summer project with Campus Crusade to Fort Collins, Colorado. It is similar to other stateside summer projects except that as our job we intern alongside Crusade staff members in our areas of interest. For me that means that I will get to work and shadow staff members who work in conference and event planning. Since this is something I am strongly considering doing after I graduate this is an excellent way to see first hand what I would be doing. If you want to know any other details about it please ask but I'm sure I'll talk more about it in future blog posts.

Its scary deciding to do this because it means raising support (ekk!). The cost of the summer is $3200, which means that I cannot pay for it myself. It comes down to trusting that God will bring in the money and provide for where he has called me. I should get used to raising support though sometime because wanting to go into full time missions means I will have to do a lot of it. I had to realize that its more than just asking people for money for a trip, its asking them to partner with you and provide for you to share God's love and word with the world. I realize I am not going to a third world country or helping cure diseases and translate Bibles, but I am still doing God's work.

One way I've decided I will try and raise some support is to do Paintings for Project. I love painting anyway, and I always have people asking for some so I figure why not use that to raise some support. I know as college students we are all pretty poor, but I would love to do a painting for you as a gift for a donation to my summer. If you want more info let me know, but I'll write another blog specifically about that soon.

Until then please pray for my summer and the support raising process.

"For the LORD your God has blessed you in everything you have done. He has watched your every step through this great wilderness. During these forty years, the LORD your God has been with you, and you have lacked nothing."

Deuteronomy 2:7

What am I doing with my life? (Part 1)

That’s the big question isn’t it? What are you doing after graduation? Where do you see yourself in 10 years? Questions like this keep getting thrown at me lately because the scary truth is that I’m only a year away from graduating college and moving into the real world. I have loved practically every moment of my college experience; it’s like living in this little bubble between childhood and adulthood, where you have all the freedom, but without all the responsibilities. It’s a time when most people discover who they really are and what they are passionate about. We spend this time studying and preparing for “the rest of our lives” so that we may go on to be great and successful. College sets the direction for where the rest of our lives will take us.

But in reality all eternity can be represented by a movie, and our life is one one screen shot of the entire movie, there is maybe one glimpse of our face in a crowd. The Bible says, “What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.” (James 4:14) I want my life to count for the movie, not the one hundredth of a second that is my life. One of the things I see in college is all the worthless causes that our world stands for and how tempting it is to join them. I know that there is only one cause that is guaranteed to succeed and worth living for, and that’s Jesus Christ.

For many people this means serving God through their occupation and using the desires and gifts that God has given them, whether that’s being a teacher, doctor, politician, athlete, or anything else. But for me, I know that God has called me to a different path.

I believe God has given us our strengths, abilities, passions, and desires for a reason. He wants us to use them to serve him. It’s taken me a long time to realize this but in my life I don’t have many dominate passions or desires above just wanting to serve God. I never felt motivated to be a teacher, or to be in medicine, or to be a hugely successful businesswoman. Those things seemed okay to me, but never something I could see myself doing for my whole life.  I think that this is one of the reasons it took me so long to pick a major and that even now I don’t feel fully satisfied in it, because that is not what I am supposed to do.

Two things God has given me are a willing heart and a broken heart. One thing that moves and motivates me more than anything is hearing the stories of missionaries going out to the unreached people of the world. The biggest thing that breaks my heart is seeing all the millions of people that don’t know Jesus or that He is the only one that can satisfy them. I know that full time missions is what I want to do, maybe for the rest of my life, or maybe until God calls me into ministering in a workplace somewhere.

I’ve had this on my heart for a while now but some things always make me stop, and it’s the things I don’t want to give up and the things that I think I have a right to. I don’t want to give up my comfort or my desires for friendship, happiness, and the American dream. I don’t want to risk my health, my privacy, or my financial well-being. I want my family and all the other people in my life to approve of me and be proud of me; I want their recognition. I want stability, justice, and time. There are a lot of things I want and think that I deserve, but it’s a hard truth to learn when you realize that you don’t deserve any of that. Jesus never promised us that everything would be easy, comfortable, and what we expected. Jesus never called anyone to comfort, and he had to give up his rights too…

“Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
and being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death—even death on a cross!”
Philippians 2:5-8

Jesus yielded his right to comfort, respect, honor, justice, to be understood, to live, and even to be in the perfect fellowship with God that He always had been. If He gave up all of this for us, how can I not give up my desire for comfort, approval, and a regular salary for Him?

I know I’ve said a lot of loaded decisions in this blog but its something I’ve been praying over and meditating on for over a year now. But in the end it still comes down to taking everything I’ve learned through this process, and taking a step of faith. Because after all, faith is not waiting until you are 100% sure.

“When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Then he said to his disciples, ‘The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore to send out workers into his harvest field.’”
Matthew 9:36-38

Count Your Blessings.

I just love how God sends me little reminders of how I should be thankful for what I am given. Just this morning my teacher let us out of class late, I hit every red light on the strip, and the I couldn't find a parking spot at the place I was going to get my lunch. Just as I was getting very frustrated and practically angry, God sent me a reality check.

I was pulling out of the lot that had no spots and going to look for somewhere else. My car window was half down and I saw two people walking down the sidewalk towards me. I notice that it is a homeless man and woman carrying large bags with all of their belongings. At this point there is also a rare break in traffic to where I could pull out. I look to the couple, knowing that they have the right of way to go in front of my car. The man stops for me to get out and says "You better go when you have the chance. Have a blessed day."

This really touched me. This man with no place to call a home, clean clothes, or a car is telling me to have a blessed day. And that is just what I have, every day is a blessed day for me. I thought back to all the complaints I'd made that day and turned them around. I am thankful to be in college, thankful to have a car, and thankful to be able to go grab some delicious food before heading to the job that I am thankful to have. Its sad that it takes something like this for me to really count and appreciate all my blessings.


Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ.
Ephesians 1:3