Life Update: February

Life doesn't stop moving.

This past month has f l o w n by so fast. Here are the February highlights:

I received a new position at work that I am very excited about. I am now the Property Manager of Greenbrier Ridge Apartments in Knoxville, TN. It is quite a leap from my previous position. The new complex has double the apartments, and I manage a number of staff members as well. Work was hard there for a while because as a company we underwent a lot of transition and change that doubled our workloads. Since then it has improved greatly and we are all getting a hang of it, plus I am enjoying my new position.

My best friend Allix got into PA school and wanted to do something big to celebrate. She will be moving to Nashville and in school for the next 27 months without much of a break. So... WE WENT ON A CRUISE. We actually did it! We booked the trip and 3 weeks later boarded the Liberty of the Seas for 5 nights (stopping in Belize & Cozumel). It was an amazing trip and worth every penny! How often do you get to leave 7 inches of snow and work behind for a week in the Caribbean?!

New Friends & a Couple Future Roommates

Back in Knoxville I spend time outside of work playing with my beautiful (needy) puppy, leading a college small group, and making new friends. Life right after college was hard and full of change, but now it finally seems like I've found a rhythm and a new normal. Making friends can be hard but I've been blessed with some great new ones and old.

The amazing girls in the CollegeLife Group that I help lead

February is often my least favorite month of the year. The weather is dreary, there's not much going on besides the world's worst holiday, and did I mention how much the weather sucks. God has blessed me more than I ever imagined with a wonderful month full of joy, new experiences, and life to the fullest.

Happy February... Bring it on March!

Finding Purpose in the Wait

[First off, sorry for the long delay between posts. This year I hope to be more diligent with posting and build a bigger audience. If you linked here from Pinterest and are interested in art, there will be a post coming up about that soon.]

Does anyone really like to wait?

I personally can't stand it. Waiting for a phone call you're expecting seems like it takes hours, waiting to hear big results from a test is excruciating, even waiting in line at the grocery store too long can ruin our mood.

My two biggest "waits" right now that are constantly coming to mind are the long wait for a husband and the wait for my future (as far as my future career path). I do not think that I am alone in either of those.

Yesterday my community group discussed "doubt". For me doubt is closely related to waiting. When I have to wait to. long I start to doubt that I am doing the right thing. Then this morning I read this article on Relevant.com.

Go read it and then come back.

I loved just about everything in there. It was such a great reminder to me that waiting has purpose and I should use it. I love how the author pointed out all of the stories of waiting in the Bible that I've known my whole life, but somehow I still expected that I shouldn't have to wait?

Next time you find yourself waiting remember that God has a purpose in it and look for that. It is an invitation to seek God.

Sovereignty in suffering.

Waiting is expected in the Christian life.

God breaks us to bless us.

Christ is better.

A life changing decision

I tend to be a bit long-winded on my blog posts so here's this…

The Short Version:

I recently decided to leave staff with Campus Crusade. I have discontinued raising support, and I will not be going to the University of South Carolina. At the moment I have a part time job but I am looking for a full time position.

So, there's that. If you're thinking is something like "wwwhat?", then please stick with me and I know you'll be able to at least see where I am coming from when I'm done.

The Long Version:

Meeting with everyone from close friends to people you don't even know to raise enough money to pay your salary and benefits for an undetermined amount of time is the hardest thing that I have ever done. It gave me an incredible appreciation for all those who do it that.

I believe that God uses raising financial support in so many ways besides just getting people to where He has called them. I can think of 3 specific ways that I've seen it used in my life and in the lives of those around me. I've seen it used to refine us so that we grow closer to God and learn to lean on Him more and trust Him to provide for all of our needs, to reward and show that He can provide anything far beyond what we may ask or imagine, and to redirect and open our hearts to other things that He has for us, among other reasons of course.

There were times that God used financial support in all 3 of those ways for me, but I believe that in the end He used it to redirect me. It's hard enough to raise that much support, but if something isn't right about it you are forced to stop and reevaluate what you are doing.

For me, I've had the sinking feeling within me that something is off for a while now.

I ignored it for a long time. I attributed it to graduating college, transitioning to life after college, a best friend passing away, moving back home with my parents and away from my Christian community, and every other major life change of the past 8 months besides joining staff and raising support.

But like I said, if something is wrong it makes it very hard to raise amounts of support like that.

So I stopped.

I took time off and I prayed. Hard. I asked God to reveal to me what His heart was and just tried to grow closer to Him. I spent time constantly in prayer alone as well as seeking advise from those Christians in my life that I look up to.

And what I was left with was hard to stomach in some ways. Some of the reasons Most of the reasons that I joined staff were selfish. Selfish reasons like not having to leave college so fast, getting to travel around the world for mission trips each summer, being able to make my own schedule and hang out with college students all day… all benefits to going on staff, yes, but its not enough to just go on that.

There were also other things God brought to light during this time, like my struggle with constantly being surrounded by only Christians (living in a Christian bubble) and how when I am surrounded by Christians I like to pretend like I have it all together instead of being real and admitting my faults, both things that I know I have to work through before God could fully use me in full time ministry. There were other things that were revealed to me during this time as well that all led me to the realization that staff may not be the place where I could best glorify God.

Ultimately a friend asked me an important question: 

"If you could get paid to be on staff and support raising wasn't involved, is it still what you're supposed to be doing?"

And I knew...

The answer was no.

But until I knew it wasn't because of support I would never have been confident in my decision. Because I believe no matter what support raising is hard for anyone, and I didn't want to be giving up because it was hard. In the end it was much more than that.

As I realized this and prayed about it, I felt an incredible peace about the decision. I had felt so nervous about the whole thing for the past two weeks that I constantly felt like I was going to throw up or suddenly break into tears at any moment… and then I was completely fine. It was like the weight of the world was lifted from my shoulders and somehow it was all going to be okay.

So I mustered up my courage and I told my support coach, I told my supporters (many of whom had already begun supporting me), and I formally left staff with Cru…. to step into a whole new world of unknowns.

Now I have no idea where I will be this time next year, or even next month. My entire future is uncertain… but it's okay. Because I know that God has given me confidence and reassurance about my decision and I trust that He will continue to guide me in my next steps.

I don't regret anything about the past 8 months. I believe that my training will be invaluable no matter where I end up. Throughout my time of support-raising I learned about my self, I learned about God's provision, and I learned the value of giving and what it means to others. I know that God brought me through this whole process for many reasons and I believe I will see those reasons again and again for years to come.

Right Now:

I am currently still living with my wonderful parents (who could not have been more supportive through this time and who I could not have made it through without) and I just got a part-time job at a locally owned restaurant in Johnson City (PTL!). I am very-actively looking for a full-time job (preferably one that I can really see myself in that uses my skills and my passions). I am not tied down to particular locations but part of me would love to be in Knoxville.

How You Can Help:

• PRAYER! Pray that I could continue to trust in the Lord and let Him lead me.
• If you don't understand where I'm coming from or if you think I'm crazy, I'd love to just talk to you more about it. It's hard for me to understand most of the time… and sometimes I still don't.
• Job connections!!! Do you have any? Do you know someone? Anything helps!

So there you are.

I told you I was long-winded.

Thanks for sticking with me if you did, and for allowing me to be real and admit where God has me right now.

I am so incredibly thankful for each of you!

I thought I decided I wasn't going to grad school...

Seminary Classes.


Well I've only been in my seminary classes for 2 days but I can already say... I love it! I know we're only taking these classes for 2 weeks but they are real classes for real graduate credit at schools like Bethal, Dallas Theological Seminary, Trinity, Reformed Theological Seminary, and other amazing schools. Granted, we only receive 2 one hour credits for intro courses, but still, not bad for only 2 weeks.


The schedule is INTENSE. We have our Intro to Systematic Theology class at 8:00am every day and it's two hours, then we have a short break before Bible Study Methods, which is from 10:30-12:30. I really enjoy both of the classes so far and I will write more blog entries in the future over some of the specific things I'm learning.


After class everyday I grab a lunch and then begin on the reading and homework. Yesterday we had to read about 100 pages and another long article, plus read and summarize the whole book of Ephesians section by section, and complete a study guide to review all we had read and learned throughout the lecture that day. Its work that I do enjoy so I don't want to rush through it, but it took me about 7 hours to complete which is harder than I ever have had to work for school.


Today we had around 70-80 pages, and more work on Ephesians that required me reading the whole book about 5 times, and another study guide. I'm still not done with today's work but I did take a break to go for a run on the beach which was nice and refreshing. I'd say I'm looking at about 6 hours of work today.


I really enjoy the theology class. Its at 8:00am and I'm tired but I am completely drawn in. Today our topic was on the inerrancy, inspiration, and accuracy of the Bible. We discussed how views on that have changed throughout the years and why the alternate opinions came into view. Our professor does have an opinion on many things, but the first day in class we learned about what to hold as convictions and what to hold as persuasions or opinions.


Convictions: central beliefs, crucial to salvation, over which we should be willing to denounce someone in serious disagreement, found multiple times in the Bible
Persuasions: beliefs about which we are personally certain but which are not crucial to salvation, we must accept those with differing persuasions as members in good standing of God's family, even if we are certain they are wrong, based on subjects included in the Bible (ex: tongues, millennial views, age of the earth)
Opinions: beliefs on subjects where we have a preference but acknowledge others may also be right or we do not have any confidence in (ex: best bible translation or political views)
[Taken from Enjoying God by Alan Kent Scholes--a book I highly recommend]


So while our professor does share his opinions, persuasions, and convictions, he also stresses how we should form all of that on our own research and not the beliefs of others. My convictions are very steadfast, but I have come to really how much I need to research those things I call persuasions for myself. It is all just making me want to dive into scripture and research, and I find it all so fascinating!


That's all I'll write for now because I doubt you're still reading (I mean who puts definitions with a citation in a blog?! I do cause I'm crazy). I'll leave you with this...


Prayer Requests:

• That I would continue to encounter Christ in every class, reading, and homework assignment and grow to love him more as I learn more about him
• That our group would remain healthy
• That I can build close relationships with the women here to have a support system during MPD time

Love y'all and I truly miss everyone SO much!

What am I doing with my life? (Part 1)

That’s the big question isn’t it? What are you doing after graduation? Where do you see yourself in 10 years? Questions like this keep getting thrown at me lately because the scary truth is that I’m only a year away from graduating college and moving into the real world. I have loved practically every moment of my college experience; it’s like living in this little bubble between childhood and adulthood, where you have all the freedom, but without all the responsibilities. It’s a time when most people discover who they really are and what they are passionate about. We spend this time studying and preparing for “the rest of our lives” so that we may go on to be great and successful. College sets the direction for where the rest of our lives will take us.

But in reality all eternity can be represented by a movie, and our life is one one screen shot of the entire movie, there is maybe one glimpse of our face in a crowd. The Bible says, “What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.” (James 4:14) I want my life to count for the movie, not the one hundredth of a second that is my life. One of the things I see in college is all the worthless causes that our world stands for and how tempting it is to join them. I know that there is only one cause that is guaranteed to succeed and worth living for, and that’s Jesus Christ.

For many people this means serving God through their occupation and using the desires and gifts that God has given them, whether that’s being a teacher, doctor, politician, athlete, or anything else. But for me, I know that God has called me to a different path.

I believe God has given us our strengths, abilities, passions, and desires for a reason. He wants us to use them to serve him. It’s taken me a long time to realize this but in my life I don’t have many dominate passions or desires above just wanting to serve God. I never felt motivated to be a teacher, or to be in medicine, or to be a hugely successful businesswoman. Those things seemed okay to me, but never something I could see myself doing for my whole life.  I think that this is one of the reasons it took me so long to pick a major and that even now I don’t feel fully satisfied in it, because that is not what I am supposed to do.

Two things God has given me are a willing heart and a broken heart. One thing that moves and motivates me more than anything is hearing the stories of missionaries going out to the unreached people of the world. The biggest thing that breaks my heart is seeing all the millions of people that don’t know Jesus or that He is the only one that can satisfy them. I know that full time missions is what I want to do, maybe for the rest of my life, or maybe until God calls me into ministering in a workplace somewhere.

I’ve had this on my heart for a while now but some things always make me stop, and it’s the things I don’t want to give up and the things that I think I have a right to. I don’t want to give up my comfort or my desires for friendship, happiness, and the American dream. I don’t want to risk my health, my privacy, or my financial well-being. I want my family and all the other people in my life to approve of me and be proud of me; I want their recognition. I want stability, justice, and time. There are a lot of things I want and think that I deserve, but it’s a hard truth to learn when you realize that you don’t deserve any of that. Jesus never promised us that everything would be easy, comfortable, and what we expected. Jesus never called anyone to comfort, and he had to give up his rights too…

“Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
and being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death—even death on a cross!”
Philippians 2:5-8

Jesus yielded his right to comfort, respect, honor, justice, to be understood, to live, and even to be in the perfect fellowship with God that He always had been. If He gave up all of this for us, how can I not give up my desire for comfort, approval, and a regular salary for Him?

I know I’ve said a lot of loaded decisions in this blog but its something I’ve been praying over and meditating on for over a year now. But in the end it still comes down to taking everything I’ve learned through this process, and taking a step of faith. Because after all, faith is not waiting until you are 100% sure.

“When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Then he said to his disciples, ‘The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore to send out workers into his harvest field.’”
Matthew 9:36-38